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| september 09 1999 | and in your waking walking weary soul that felt too much to see the
visions that would be could be will be if the faith were not so lost to
cancerous reflections of the time once past becoming what is now in treasured
hated nothingness as dirges ring in lyrical fragility of darkness riddled
grey with steel to hide behind when someone lingers longing in the hope
and fear that they might in their silent voice be asked to sing along ...
let chains that bind so tangle mine... |
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| september 15 1999 | back when i was eight or so...in front of picture perfect family watching
she would stand me shy and insecure and asking me to suck in stomach lest
i appear imperfect in her picture perfect world...
and then in caring cruelty announcements made absolving her of blame of how pretty i was little girl... how pretty i would be could be little girl... if the stomach stayed sucked in...little girl... |
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| september 20 1999 | So many times we find the things that need to be said cannot be said
in voice, cannot be spoken aloud for fear of facing that look from the
other that makes heart grow cold...that makes soul freeze in fear and sadness,
that look that says that we have shown too much, have revealed more than
we should....that look that says good bye.
And so we write...offer up our sins and demons for some to see...hoping in all hope that the words and letters we share will be replied... will be understood... that someone will care.... we write so that somehow our stories might be told, that truly we do exist feel love hate fuck laugh cry and all the mundane boring minute by minute in between.... we write becasue we need... to understand...be understood... cry out above the bullshit screams of so many empty voices... cry out above the angry screams of frightened voices...cry out silently.... because we must be heard. |
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| september 22 1999 | and in reflections...we see so much that should never be... and so much that we cherish for its beauty `passion compassion insanity... |
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| september 28 1999 | once upon a time there was a baby unwanted baby thrown out becasue
the struggle would be too much to fit into a life more destroyed than anothers....baby
thrown and caught by others strangers... unwanted unknown blood so thick
more thick than they knew than they know.... blood that destroys all trust...
not just now...all trust forever
couldn't she see that.... she threw me away so that I might have a better life.... but i got lost along the way.... they took my soul.... took all that i could be took love that i might share that i might know trust let people in couldn't she fucking know that....... why couldn't she know that in giving me a better life.... she left me with nothing.... there is nothing left.... never was.... all an illusion... |
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