There are so many things that I need to say and if I don't say them now, I don't know if I'll ever find the courage again.

I know I looked for you, I know I was the one who invited you back into my life after all these years.  I know that right now this is just as confusing and scary for you as it is for me.  But I need you to understand that I am not the little baby girl you gave away 28 years ago anymore.    I am a woman now.  A woman who is so afraid that, in trying to find out who she is, has become lost in the pretenses of who everyone else needs her to be......

I am so very sorry...I may be your daughter, but you can never be my mother.
 

(sept 1998)