i run to here, or so i tell myself, for true escape so that I might uncensored screaming as a child be free to speak all the things that I cannot say in the other world that knows the me they think is me. they know nothing. and I lie to myself each time I sit to type. this place is nothing...egocentric mental masturbation... one more attempt to again overanalyze all that i see hear think speak do feel...so self-rightous in my thoughts...rationalization of healing... so lyrical in my words without ever having the strength to say the things that i want so badly for people to hear... to scream aloud the weaknesses and the deviance and the wretchedness... to hold your face in my hands and grin in obsessed psychosis shaking you to to get your attention from the million day-glo distractions that surround us all .. shaking you to make you hear that I need you...shaking you to make you listen to me.... LISTEN TO ME!!!! as i cry out... but no one thinks my tears are interesting unless they are are told in such enigmatic prose with meaning so abstract meaning nothing in the end but pretty words sad words empty words...meaning nothing as i scream frantic inside... puzzles and masques and walls to hide behind.... |
