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| august 01 1999 | and I wander in this cool blue wander in this absent voice wander in
this search for words I knew so long ago it was so long ago the times
I wrote so long ago the times that anything held me hurt me loved me that
I gave it over to the words that free me so to twist make sense of madness
joy until the cool blue would return again to wash me in its placid understanding.
but in a moments unawareness I let slip my worry paranoia fear to laugh and drift and live those moments that my friend would offer and my friend did offer me a gift in which I lost myself a gift in which I found myself more whole than all the blueness cleansed of absent voices longing to find words... and danced upon the notes that pierced my soul... |
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| august 03 1999 | and I reach to find the words for all the things I long to say, for
all the things I was too long to know...to tell you of mistakes once made,
of stumbling steps when other things grasped hold to pull me far from paths
once chosen to be paths of purposed goals. and I in my apathetic
complacency and wandering myopia felt time allowed such deviations ignorances
disregards of all the values treasured by the normal passer-bys...and set
about in unconcerned meanderings through self indulgent artistry and decadence
of thought.
and now that scars are faded white and I have stepped upon my path once more I see you in the footsteps that I walked so long ago...see you fit so well in footsteps that have deepened in the mire... and I would hold my hand to offer comfort steady lest you stumble over rutted pathways I have gone before... and I would offer visions of the dangers that are lurking...of the foresight and the hindsight, of regret and of the beauty, of the wistful demons dreaming... ...of the power of becoming into different wiser more. |
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| august 04 1999 |
~ Thomas ...goodbye my other self...
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| august 08 1999 | tonight I pressed the button that would send to him a story...send
to him piece of my soul.... because he asked...and I cannot will not ever..deny...him.
and just the same as all those months ago I sit and drift and wonder what
his thoughts might be....like all those months between us now...where I
have tried to heal and hold him in my heart in faith and hope for the happiness
he might find...without me.
but scarce days ago...three that have passed... and there he was... unspeaking enigmatic ghosts of conversation left to puzzle wonder anxious fear... searching for the rules lost somewhere along the way...we stumble forth from here... blindly trying we make sense of this darkness... gone mad in this darkness... but what answers would lie...behind my eyes...? |
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